To speak or not to speak......

The first half of the language assignment, to have a conversation without using and words or ASL, was difficult. You can only say so much by pointing! I did use some signs such as using two hands to form a large rounded belly to talk about my pregnant sister. I was trying to tell a story and almost waited to tell my friend after the assignment but decided that wouldn’t be fair to the assignment. My attempt was to have a normal conversation and to not let the assignment influence what I wanted to say. My friend got close to what I wanted to say but not exactly and it made a difference to the meaning. My sons are disappointed by the fact that their aunt is not having a girl. My friend guessed that my boys were sad that I was not pregnant and then she guessed that they were sad because their cousins were sad they were not having a sister. It became really frustrating and I wanted to give up.

My friend said that talking to me without me using my voice was interesting and fun. She said, “We were able to convey a point. It was difficult to understand details and parts of the conversation. It felt like a game of 20 Questions. I think it was easier because of the baby. She can’t tell me what she wants and I have to read her emotions and motions all the time. And it was funny when you were trying to hold a conversation but discipline the kids.” I did have to break into the experiment because my boys were doing things on the playground that were close to becoming dangerous. At first I tried to ask them to stop without talking but they were too far away and couldn’t see my waving so I had to yell when they got to a point of danger. My friend said she could tell I was torn whether or not to break into speech before I actually did it. I did add a little extra time for having to speak. The funny times she was talking about were when the boys were just being naughty but not dangerous and I was trying to take care of it in silence. My friend did not alter her way of communication except in that she had to ask a lot more questions than usual.

Spoken language most definitely has the advantage in conveying complex ideas. There is no way to explain who you are talking about or if you are talking about a different location than where you are. I can see a speaking culture getting very frustrated and impatient with a non-speaking culture. In a way we experience this with our small children before they can talk. A parent has to guess for quite a while what their child wants or needs until they get to know their child so well that they can tell the difference in the cry or expression. When the child is a baby and you have exhausted everything you can think of that they might be crying over, it is very draining and frustrating at times. I used to work in a bank and we had deaf customers who couldn’t speak. Most of them were lip readers and we did fine that way. Some wrote what they wanted on a piece of paper and that was good too. Some could not read lips and could not read words either. They tried using gestures but I could not always understand. Sometimes they would just leave and we were both frustrated but I also felt very pained emotionally. He was sad that he could not be understood or he was embarrassed and I was sad that I could not help him and never wanted to make him feel ashamed or hurt. It was very hard. Most of the time they would bring someone back with them who could tell me what they wanted. Again, they knew each other so well that they could communicate without words or gestures. Some of the other impatient tellers would get very angry and yell at the person. Sometimes a teller might speak rudely to the person but I know that they could tell by the facial expressions that the teller was irritated. No matter how frustrated I got I always maintained kindness and patience as well as I could. If I felt that I was going to get too annoyed then I would go get the supervisor to try and help them. So, the lack of symbols and language affect not only normal communication but emotions.

The second half of the assignment, speaking with no emotion, was difficult at first but once I got into the pattern of it, I found it easier. Since it did take some time to get my voice monotone I added some extra time so that I would be doing it for fifteen minutes in total. I do use my hands but I didn’t find that too difficult to keep under control. My friend has a one year old and while we were doing this assignment, her daughter did something really cute. My friend said, “Oh look!” and I did but I couldn’t express any joy and saying, “How cute” without any joy in my face just felt awful. If she hadn’t known about the assignment she would have thought I was mean! I felt mean in that I seemed so disinterested just by the fact that couldn’t truly express myself.

My friend said it was fun trying to watch me try to be expressionless in my face and actions.  This part of the assignment affected her more. When I started speaking that way, she started speaking that way and she had to make herself speak normally.

We can convey an idea more easily in detail without the use of expression but emotion is left out completely so feelings are not portrayed. Words are important but vocal inflection is very important to the meaning behind the words. There are some people who cannot read body language, such as a blind person and it is so detrimental to fully understanding but at least they can hear so they get the voice inflection. Children also cannot read body language accurately. Body language just comes naturally with the inflection; they work together as one unit and both are extremely important for accurate communication. When a person cannot read body language there are so many situations that could be misunderstood even to the point of being dangerous. I think there are people who also read too much into body language and misunderstandings also occur that way. I can see that if my former customers I spoke of before could not read body language then they might not get their feelings hurt as much by callous people.